Growing up as a child, been nurtured by different hands, is never the plan of motherhood.
A mother, despite all odds will gather her children together against all odds, course they are her life, her heart and the genuine reasons for her existence.
Mine was an altogether a different tale, a different tale on how the blow of never having a mother, never knowing a mother’s love, her joy for me and pain, her anxiety for her great expectation of my life, turned out to be the greatest blow in my existence.
While growing in the hands of some mothers, I came to realize how just unfair it is to be deprived of having a mum that will cry for you, feel your pains, help in soothing of your wounds, and always been there for you always, how mothers deprive themselves of their wants just to make their children happy, how they cry day and night just at the heavy thought of their offspring, all this I admired so much in my life through seeing what mothers does. though while I was passing this phase , I was deprived of all these emotions by other mothers that raised me and I promised myself this one thing, that someday, someday very soon, I will have my own child to call me mother, I will have a child that will fight and support me, I will have a child which no matter what, I will love and be boastful of, a child that will bring out in me all that my mother longed to do but was never opportune to as a result of her demise. A child that will frequently ask me what is it, a child that will assure me all is going to be fine, a child that will give me an assuring hug of I love you, and make my heart leap for joy and a child I can give my all in all to, my life. And now this is my story.
I have a step sister who use to tell me a little, very little of my life as a toddler when my mother passed on, i can remember her telling me once that when my mum passed away, i will cry, and cry all day, wanting my mum's attention, which will never be there, her succulent breast which i have gotten used to as my food her tender arms which gives me comfort and her sensitivity to love me under any circumstances. my sister told me that i will carry a stool outside the compound of our father's house and cry non stop. this as a child i dont know, maybe my brain has not been formed to store all those memories, to really key in the fact that i have lost a mum, a mum i cannot picture how she really was, all i can remember as a child then is gazing into the eyes of someone who carried me, fed me, and while she is at all these, i was busy staring into her eyes, yet as a grown up now, i have no remembrance of the picture i see of her then, it has faded completely.
Bringing up a toddler is never an easy job for a man, most especially for a man that makes polygamy a part of his life, for this, my father thought i am not save in the hands of his other women, so wherever he finds himself, i find myself, he takes me to and fro any journey he embarks on north or west, anywhere he goes, i go. at a point in his life, seeing i will be better looked after by a woman's touch, he married a wife in one of his journeys, and gave me to her to tend, though she cared for me as hers and i loved her thinking she was my mother, but the feeling that she never did have her own child brought an end to their relationship, and again i find myself back in the care of my father. in one of his journey back home with me, he sent me living with his aunt and this is where the journey of my life really began.
I see little children on the street, boys, girls barefooted, hargard looking being, having no role model, walking, pacing the street with no one to love, and no one to love them back in return, nobody to monitor what they are up to, no one to care what their trouble is and i picture myself growing up without a mother's touch, her attention , love and care and i cant help to wonder, if after lossing my mom, i had passed this stage of abandonment, rejection, uncared for, these answers i do not know as a child, when one is a child, u know not your wrong from your right, when a child, you know not those that detest you and you even walk up to them for a play not knowing what they have at heart for you, sometimes when a child, your best playmate can be an enemy, but as a child these you know not and you wine and dine with all.
At my new abode, life began to unfold itself to me, i no longer see my father as often as i use to, i am been cared for a little, not the way even my father would have cared, and really, there is no one to tell, no one to understand my feelings most especially my pains. then, i was almost deprived of the most important legacy a child could get which is education, and i was made to realize that even with their wealth and affluence, with their popularity and fame in this nation, it doesnt cause my guardian nothing to get me educated to any standard of my choice, but they vehemently denied me of being educated and forcefully turn me into a sales child who learn to wake every morning to go and open the store where my guardian deals in different kinds of fabrics from different countries of the world, this i learn to do every day of my life. at a stage, i discovered that the interest to read is gradually deminishing in me, i was worried so much about this, still no one to tell, no one to understand.
There was a stage in my growing up as a child when i longed to have a proper education just like my guardian's children, but this i was not given the opportunity to even talk about, if i do, i would be reminded of their so call generousity in my life which i do not appreciate, this includes taking me in. i get used to my daily routine of storekeeping and though i was not happy about it, but i definately have the hope that someday, i will get admitted into any tertiary institute that will at least add a little value into my life more than a sales child.
There is this particular day when i was seeing my guardian children to the domestic airport to board a flight taking them to the university of their choice which is in the far northern part of the country ,every member of the family were so happy for this great event, unknown to me, the university was an arranged one in order to deceive family and friends, to deceive people that their children too are in the university, in order to achieve this, my guardian paid for an accommodation far off the campus and relocated her children making us believe they are studying. every holiday, these kids come home like normal student and at every resumption they board plane back to school. all this added to my determination to get an education at all cost.
One day, one very faithful day, i met with a girl of my age while we were getting to know ourselve, she was so boastful of her admission in one of the polythecnic in the country, i cant help but pick the very information i needed on how she secured admission, she took her time to explain in detail to me how an uncle of hers who was a lecturer at the same polythecnic helped in making the admission possible. i begged her to help me and i will pay whatever is expected just to be in any school, taking any course. she promised to discuss me with her uncle and so , i started preparing secretly for the great expectation which have always been denied of. this i did secretly until the last day to resume at school, then i was faced with the big question how? how do i tell my guardian i have secured an admission into a polythecnic, what will their respond be, will i be allowed to go, will i get any assistance of any kind? all these i ask myself, all these question i know not how to forward to them for fear of the inevitable. i was filled with thought of it, while still thinking on how to approach them, time for resumption is nearing. two days before we are to resume into the school, i went to meet my guardian with so much fear in me but with inner strenght and God given courage from above, and told her i had gotten admission into a polythenic to study public administration and resumption is in few days, the only respond i got was Goodbye!
I was so happy because i have eventually conqured my fear and let her know of what i have been keeping all this while, whether she is comfortable with it or not is not my problem, i can remember like yesterday, vividly how the expression on her face changed immediately i spoke of my intention of going to school, how she so much hated me more than ever, how she prayed i will run begging her for how i will sustain myself in time to come and how she will with open arm welcome me back to her store keeping, all these are the expression on her face, but as determined as i am, i had prepared for any eventuality, i had made up my mind.
While in the polythecnic, instead of lack, i have more than enough, not that i steal nor begg, not even do i move with unholy student, but i was comfortable as much as i can, hardly do i go home for fear of my guardian, and if i manage to pay a visit while on holiday, i am always back at the store, but when it is time to go back to school again, my guardian moods changes, she becomes aggressive, her mood and action toward me changes, she never gives me anything, rather she does all she can so that i dont go. seeing her action towards my progress, this restricted me from looking forward to going home. where the satisfaction come from to fulfil all my schooling expenses, till present i dont know, all i know is that i was able to do every necessary thing expected of me as a student. i was happy for achieving my aim.
Suddenly, at the end of my second year at the polythecnic, the urge to proceed beyond where i was clouded my thoughts, the dream to get into a university becomes my vision, university, university, how i so much loved the sound of the name uni, then hearing it in the lips of students makes me long to be part of it, then i use to tell myself, if i can just get my name into a university as a student, and i get rusticated or expelled the next minute, i will be contented, at least, the world will know that i was once in a university, in those days, every child's mission in going to university is to study, to learn, but for me, i have a different ambition for wanting to get into a university, my sole motive is not to study anything, not at all, but to spite my guardian, that with them i will be nothing, but without them i will be everything i wanted to be, not even the sky can limit me. so i took my jamb examination and was lucky to get admission in one of the university in the western part of the nation.
Just as i was still filled with the joy and excitment of my new school, i met with one of my guardian's son, her first son, who was supposed to be in Abu, Zaria, as lied by their mother, we were so surprise to see each other, we hugged, we cried and i made him realize that i have just gain admission into the school, but i was surprise when he informed me he is now in the same university as i am and i cant help but to wonder, no wonder to what i have heard regarding their not admitted to any university then ,but just went to rent a place in order to cover their shameful boast of popularity and fame. popular as they are, as famous as they are and as wealthy as they are, they can't with all their fame and wealth get their kids into a university. what a life, what a waste. with all this struggle, these achievement, i now understand the real purpose of a mother.
A mother will hide your shame, a mother will be proud of calling you her own in spite of any obstacle, a mother will help to bear all ur consequence either good or bad, a mother, made to carry the weight of the world, yet made her arm gentle enough to give you comfort, even when everyone else gives up, a mother's strenght and patience will lead you on, a mother's sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances even when her child has hurt her badly.
really, every child deserves a mother.
