IS DATING BIBLICAL?

As I enter into the room full of youths, I quietly find a seat at the back of the back, after greeting my Pastor who I saw seated a few feet away from me, so as not to disturb the flow of the workshop going on.

I was listening with amazement to some of the responses that a few youths gave to the question “Is dating biblical?” I simply smiled at some of the responses. Well you should have been there, they were simply funny.

First I don’t think I ever came across the word ‘dating’ in the bible. It could be there and I might not have noticed though. Please let me know where it is if you have come across it. Second, some of them don’t even actually know what the word meant! You could deduct that from their responses that they thought they knew but do not. Ah yes! Back to the koko of the matter…………

The thing is as I sat thinking, Pastor asked someone to call me. I looked his way and he pointed to the front of the hall, and I thought “I hope he is not saying what I think he means”. Then I go to him and he says “go and answer that question”. I was surprised!

Anyway I go the front give my answer starting with the meaning and making everyone realize that as long as we live within the confines of the meaning of the word nothing is wrong with dating and that dating can be fun. You can take your dad out on a date or a friend of the same sex. Basically dating is just going out and having a nice time. Then I get home and go into the dictionary for the meaning of the word date and I am floored…. Aside from time at which things happen or is about to happen; a meeting; and make an appointment with, the dictionary also gives the meaning of date as ‘go out together as sexual partners’. So I realize that they are not off the mark at all since they look at it from that perspective and so I begin to wonder.

If dating were to be biblical which of the meaning would it encourage? Going put as sexual partners is also a meeting and it’s an event as well. So I wonder myself and then as I go into the word I realize that the most applicable biblical context would be meeting with friends or family without the sexual additions.

So if the dictionary tells us that dating is going out as sexual partners the what would courtship be?

Perspectivessssssss.................

Friday evening going home from work.........
I am in a bus thinking of how terrible the traffic is and how many hours it would take me to get home from where I was. The heavy build up of traffic was a long one. Suddenly a few miles on the traffic is gone and the road is free! What do you think ran through my mind? This is the way life is and even business! You start out the day and it seems as if nothing will work or that business will be dull, then out of nowhere things start working out.

In some other cases.........
You start out a journey and the road is free and its seems its going to be smooth sailing but then almost to the end of your journey you meet with a terrible traffic that lasts hours. This is another paradox of life, letting you know that its not always as smooth as we want it to be.

You wake up in the morning.........
The sun is not out and the rain is pouring. You need to be at a meeting and looking at the time you are already late! Leaving the house nothing works according to plan. First the car does not start, the Tyre is flat and the rain has flooded the road in places that driving is a disaster.

What a way to go.............
When you find criminals been celebrated and honorable men waiting in the shadows."Ni ilu to l'oba to ni Ijoye?" People are funny at times, ascribing the role of messiah to criminals who will just continue to blindfold them while he bleeds them dry like a leach.

Looking through a mirror..................
Most times we look and just go away without the picture in our head. We forget thatno6thing is as it seems and so life will continue to pass us by if we don't sit up and play our part. It takes you standing in front of the mirror before you can see yourself and the size and position of the mirror determines how much of yourself you can see. Mirrors this days are no longer rose colored either so take time to properly position yourself.

What we see is what we get.............
Everyday we look around and blame the whole world but ourselves for whatever situation we find ourselves in. We fail to realize that what we have today is a culmination of what we have been building for a long time. Growing and nurturing it to where it is today and yet we refuse to embrace it for what it is? When we encourage negativity and all things bad it is impossible for us to get something else from life aside from what we have sown.

Perspectivessssssss.................
The enjoyment that we think we get from life sometimes results in pain. Really freedom and responsibility means the same thing. It means free dominion and responding to the ability to make choices. What we chose to respond to and how we are able to exploit our dominion is then left to us while God watches on.

Put life in a better perspective and remember its not always as it seems!

THE ONLY REAL SECURITY

If money is your hope for independence you will never have it. The only real security that a man can have in this world is a reserve of knowledge, experience and ability. – Emile Coue

This past year a lot of us have learnt that no one is truly secure in his or her job and if your job is not secure then a whole lot of other things are not. So many people lost jobs, their position in life and family, or their businesses. For some it was easy to start over while others don’t even know where to start from.

We have been so focused on money, the freedom it gives, the things it can buy the power that goes with it and the individual invisibility. Yet we fail to realize that without a whole lot of the other things in life, money as we see and know or feel it will not bring security, joy or independence. Most times we become slaves to money without even knowing it and since we have continued to remain at a place in terms of knowing, ability and experience it becomes difficult for us to move to the next stage in our lives.

It is said that knowledge is power, but on its own knowledge is not enough. The training over time (formal and informal), giving an accumulated experience of life and work combined with our power to do something or make things happen, gives the security we need and deserve. For us, we must familiarize ourselves with the things around us and which are important to us, having an understanding of how, when, where, what and who of it. As we continue to involve ourselves in activities, events, and everything around us and practice the skills these involvements gives us we would gain more ground and power to make things happen. This would make it possible for people to seek us out because of their need to share in the security that we have and can offer to them.

This true and real security will move you forward and put you at the top wherever you find yourself. It is important that we seek knowledge diligently, get wisdom through our experiences and in so doing acquire the power we need to not just survive in life but to also excel in life. True security is the freedom we get from pursuing knowledge which gives us the ability to become wise. Therefore pursue freedom and be secure!!

PRESS ON

Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan “press on” has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race. – Calvin Coolidge.

Imagine what would have happened or were we would be now if Thomas Edison had given up after the 10th try or maybe the 300th try of working on inventing the electric lamp. Imagine where South Africa would be this day if Nelson Mandela had given up the fight against apartheid. Take your mind back and imagine what would be the lot of the African Americans today if all the past redemption fighters had kept quiet. It goes on and on with a wonder on the determination and persistence of people in bringing about a change and ensuring that life is better for all.

The grave is full of talented men and women who had so much potential but no staying power. Even in the here and now, we have talented individuals and geniuses who have done nothing to benefit others from their so called talents. They find it difficult to “press on”, for them the slightest challenge or opposition stops them in their tracks. They just give up on making a mark.

It is somewhat a big deal to continue going on in the face of challenges and opposition. For a lot of us we let go of a lot of the things we want to do or think is right. Why? We give so many reasons but the most common is that of making a living. So many forget they have a talent because they need to make a living. They worry over the fact that working on their talent or skills and building a life from it would result in years of hunger. The “staying power” of persistence is not present neither are we determined in “sticking on” to our course until we are able to achieve success.

Everyone in life that has been successful with what they do and their dreams stood their grounds on what they want out of life. For them every obstacle was seen as a hurdle on the race track and without overcoming it you can’t get to the finish line. Some kick it out of the way, some jump over it and some fly over it, whichever way you can hurdles are meant to be overcome with determination.

Continuing to move on in your course of action not looking at or listening to the opposing challenges will put you above with time. Just as we have imagined at the start of this write up, I want you to imagine how wonderful it would be if you are to persevere and finally get to that place you want the end result will be every time that things look bad or it seems you are in a rut bring out the picture and keep going. Let your picture of success be the motivating factor to keep you pressing on and moving forward. Remember that no matter that with determination and persistence you can be who you want to be, you can move mountains and you change your lot in life.

Chose today to “press on”, persist on that dream and be determined to succeed. For you, let the sky be the beginning and not your limit!

LEND A HAND GIVE A HAND

There is a saying in my native tongue (the Yoruba language) which says, “One hand alone cannot lift a load to put on the head” and so I start with this saying. Imagine that you are at a crossroad with a heavy load you need to carry on your head. Would it be possible to tie one of your hands at your back and use just one hand to lift the load on your head? Or would it be possible for you to lift a 50kg bag on your own head without help? Why is it that the market women in spite of everything would ask the person closest to them to help them with their loads?

That’s because one hand alone can’t lift a load to put on the head to do that you need the helping of another able and willing hand. Are your hands helping or willing? Do you lend a hand or give a hand or are you the type that sees someone in need and just pass by with giving a thought to helping out? Do we need to remember the story of the good Samaritan? I remember a phrase one of my friends loves using “right back at you!” she says it with so much finesse that I began to wonder the weight of the phrase.

That is exactly it with lending a hand to the guy next to you. The implication is that it comes “right back at you” since what goes around comes around. Every time you lend a hand you get two back in return, yours and the grateful hand of the guy you have helped. It is a lifetime of hands that you can make use of at any time you need them. Accordingly more effort from others in helping to lift a load means that the stress of lifting is spread and the strain on one person reduced and balanced out.

Life is more meaningful to us all if we learn and become our brother’s keeper. When you lend a hand to someone in need you give out temporarily that which he needs to be who he should or to get to where he needs to get to. In return you get back not just your hand but the loving hand of gratitude from those that you have helped. There are so much ways by which we can lend a hand to the guy next door, find them and make good on them. You will find that your life becomes much more fun and meaningful. Be of help to those who are honestly in need of it, don’t wait for them to ask for it because they might not ask.

THE JOY OF GIVING

2:15am on a Saturday morning, I have just finished one of the best books ever! It’s a story about Christmas even though Christmas is almost a month ago! It’s the story of Scrooge, the grumpy old man who found no fun in life or in living. He was so cold that the heat of many fires could not warm him. But been visited by the ghosts of his dead business partner and that of three Christmas seasons; the past, the present and the future things changed.

It’s a great book to read and filled with so much but one great lesson stands out; the lesson that life is sweetest when you show love and compassion to the people around you. It also taught the lesson that we could change our future even if our past is already set in stone! Our future is an open book, one that we as the owners can write whichever way we want.

Life is such a precious gift that it is impossible to live it alone without sharing the joys with the people around you, those you know and those you don’t know. Giving back is the essence of life and giving back in the most helpful and loving way makes the essence of a greater importance than all the riches and wealth in the world.
Giving is not all money mind you, just a smile, a handshake, a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, a gift on an occasion or time spent with those who need it speaks so much more and has so much more lasting effect than money given without a kind word.

This is what Scrooge learnt in all the visits before the Christmas day and a lesson he took to heart never forgetting to be merry and happy. Every good seed we sow is a treasure in heaven. We build castles with each good deed and each smile we bring into people’s hearts. Each gift of giving no matter how small is another step to have a good eternity and a better tomorrow for ourselves. It gives you some peace and joy and helps to nourish our souls making it stronger to withstand pain and give more joy.

Scrooge learnt (as we all will if we take time to) that every unkindness is a chain that imprisons the soul of the unkind. When his business partner first appeared to him, he was a bitter unkind man who saw no good in man or the life he lived. He had lost so much as a result and would have continued to do so. But his friend appeared to him in chains of his own making, chains he had made stronger and tighter with his time in this world through his own deed. He had, like Scrooge, been unkind and unloving not giving of himself, his time, or resources it was a thing he regretted but could not change. However he was able to point this out to his friend who learning the errors of his ways changed for the better.

There is nothing as great or as wonderful as giving. It is the life source to the very existence of mankind. All great men where great not because they were rich or because they were wise but because in their strive to make life better for their fellow man they were able to create things that lasted over time long after they have gone, and we are alive today as witness to this.

Remember this words “give it will come back to you, good measures pressed down shaken together and running over, give it will come back to you. When you give, you give to the Lord!”

WHAT IS FRIENDHSIP??

Today is the 21st day of January, 2011 at 06:11 hours Nigerian time here I am sitting on a two-sitter couch in the living room of the two-bedroom flat I share with my siblings. My sister called me this morning at exactly 10:34:09am and told me my eldest brother said I was a thief and that she agreed completely. What did I steal? My own money! However I will not go into the gory details of what led to the name calling but I hung up the phone bitter and almost in tears, well I was in tears with my heart bleeding and nothing to stop it.

Why am I writing this and then putting it out here in cyberspace for the whole of the cyber world to read? Well honestly, I don’t know but after the call I spent hours in contemplation of the journey to where I am today and what I could hang on to. To my disappointment or should I say amazement, I realized that aside from the God who created me and whom I love, I had no one who really knew me or I could say is actually my shoulder to cry on.

Don’t get me wrong, I have friends and I am fortunate to have met people, I even have family members and a lovely parents. But in all of these people I could not think of one person I could call and pour out my heart to.
Realizing this I decided that I might as well be alone in the world or let’s put it this way, in spite of the fact that I love people and life it was obvious that when it really comes down to it “it’s just me” after all is said and done.

At this conclusion, I now wonder what really is friendship and who really is a friend? Is there a kind of grade for knowing who your friend is? If family can gang up against you to do you harm then won’t a “friend” do worse?
Do I continue to love people or do I just love myself alone? Where is that helping hand that should be there for me to make my burden lighter? Or did I miss something along the way about what and who a “friend” should be? I thought it is said “a tree does not make a forest”? or is it that all trees should be their own keeper? I ask all these questions because if I can’t point at one person and say this is the one person who knows me well, then what is the purpose of friendship?

Someone please help me!!
If you have answers to my question please I would like to hear them. God bless you as you read and lend a helping hand.